March 7th 2004
well, i figured that with a new attempt i needed a new page of blog. don't know why, altho i think it may have something to do with a fresh start. i think i'm maturing or just changing a bit as i grow older, it's kinda scarey, i know i will always be the same person and act the same stupid ways sometimes, but then i also feel different sometimes, inside. I think it may have come to my realization this week. my parents put me very ebruptly under the pressure of what am i gonna do with my life? i needed to think things over. and altho i am definately nowhere near figuring it out, i am certainly closer, or at least have thought about my life so far, and what, and if i want to do something with it. see i do. just i have no idea what. i'm thinking of going into the thing that kinda interests me, then i can always branch off later can't i? i felt really pressured and right during a stressful week, i felt i needed to get out and away. and that made me realise that there is no way i could ever take the 5th year. ever. i need to be alone, away from my family and the way i need to run every decision i make in my life thru them.

March 14 2004 9:15 PM Well, it's the 2nd day of march break. i was hoping that it wud be a way of getting back to normal, whatever that is, i don't know. but so far i feel far from it. i guess i consider normal the way i felt before, back in the summer with no cares. but it's not happening, the one person who can help me right now isn't here. however they will be back soon. i figure the way to pass time is to keep myself busy which i definately am, and i will continue to until their return i guess. i have a deal with my dad, for every hour of math tutoring he gives me, i get 1.5 hours of pool with him, and he has no choice about it. i got in an argument with him today, reluctantly did half an hour of math then went to play pool with him, elfman, james and my mummy. we also stopped at goodwill and tatarama to get elfman's ears pierced again. so i didn't stop to think too much today which is definately good. jesse u'd be proud of me, thisevening i got out my razor, and cut my hair, and a banana:D. i will go distract myself now, bye. back